Monday, Jul. 01, 2002 2:58 a.m.
Dear Marlon

So this was in my guestbook:

"I am not trying to pry...O.K. I am trying to pry. May I ask why you are fucked up and violated. This question is not meant to be condescending, I really want to know why you think you are fucked up. You're an intelligent person who is able to write. I do no think you are fucked up. Please respond."

First off, the term "tresviolated" I used for my guestbook name is something Depeche Mode related. As in "Violator" the album. I thought it sounded cool. Plus faceplant was already taken.

Secondly, I am glad that you don't think I am fucked up. Maybe I put on a better face for the diary than I actually wear. I feel fucked up because I have conflicting thoughts, weird interactions with people. I am often lonely or confused or feel stupid when I am not. Another thing that could point to my being fucked up is that I am trying to explain this to you.

Look the bottom line is this: I might not be a clinical crazy person. There might not be papers on me or anything but I feel like there should be sometimes. I started calling my diary fucked up girls of the world or something like that because I noticed most of my readers were in fact girls of my own age group that behaved similar to myself.

I don't think I am beyond redemption or needing to be locked up. I just think I have been in a slump since I was born. One day it will stop.

Yeah.

Oh by the way I am going to start using proper typing skill with capital letters and everything. Proud of me.

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